Emotional Connection at a Time of Distancing

Our lives are undergoing a lot of change at the moment. And it is not all bad! For a start, our mother Earth is having a chance to breathe for the first time in many years. And most of us are having to slow down and remember what it’s like to appreciate the little things in life.

As we prepare ourselves and our families to weather the COVID-19 pandemic, many of us are being cautious and limiting our interactions with the external world to survival needs. Anything more would be foolish. The effect of the virus has also added new words to our vocabulary, but they are not just words — they symbolize an associated shift in lifestyle:

Self-isolation. Quarantine. Lock-down. Social distancing. Physical distancing. Travel ban. Work from home. School shutdown. Border closure.

COVID-19 is a great equalizer — it does not discriminate according to race, gender, culture, class, or nationality. We are all in the same boat, and we will only survive if we are as concerned for others as for ourselves. This tiny virus is already teaching us about the generosity of the heart, as we realize the need to be kind and compassionate to everyone.

Physical connect ~ Emotional Connect?

We have been told to practice social distancing, and it simply means to maintain a distance with others, whether they are affected by the virus or not. In fact, it is not social distancing we are being asked to do, but physical distancing, and it does not mean that our social connections need to disappear. We can maintain a physical distance while also maintaining social and emotional connections. We have to disentangle the two things.

Physical distances have always been there, with family members living on different continents and traveling, and we have learned to stay connected through technology. Even before that, people would write letters to each other. So, what is so different about this current situation? No doubt we are all worried about our loved ones, and look forward to seeing them again. Maybe we also feel helpless about elderly parents on the other side of the world, or dearly want to comfort a friend who is ill. Whatever our individual circumstances, all of us are facing new challenges every day. So what can we do to help lessen the stress? How can we practice social distancing while enhancing our emotional connection? How can we enrich our sense of community without physical contact?

Opportunity for Reflection & Deeper Connection

First, we have a rare opportunity to pause, slow down, and witness our lives as if under a magnifying glass — to discover how we interact with even the smallest of things. For example, how do we care for the food we have in our kitchen cupboards? And our cooking utensils? The way we take care of things tells us a lot about ourselves. In our busy lives, we’re not so used to examining ourselves in such proximity, as our attention is more focused outward. We are social creatures, seeking fulfillment in connection with others around us. So this pause gives us a chance to ask: What brings such calamities to our human species, which is already suffering? Is it a wake-up call for us to do more, to be more aware?

Our basic instincts are to hug our loved ones, to shake hands, and to touch our faces. Now we have to retrain ourselves to behave differently and limit our physical connections. Being separated from loved ones at a time like this can be scary and threatening. There is another very potent form of communication at our disposal, however, and that is our ability to connect heart to heart. The beauty of the heart-to-heart connection is that it works across any distance. We can send love from wherever we are to anyone anywhere anytime. Here is a simple way to connect:

Sit comfortably and gently close your eyes. Bring the person you wish to send love to in front of you. Feel your heart connecting to their heart. Gently send love and care to the person from your heart to their heart. Feel connected.

After you have done this for a few minutes, see if you feel more peaceful within yourself and if the other person also feels more peaceful.

Even turtles maintain such mental contact with their family members. When a mother turtle wants to lay her eggs, she swims from her place at sea to a certain beach, and lays her eggs in the sand, covering them for protection. She then swims back to her particular place in the ocean. After two months, when the baby turtles hatch, they run down the beach and swim out to their mother. So if turtles can maintain such contact, why not us? We may have no choice but to be isolated from our loved ones, so let’s see if we can stay connected at a deeper level. If we cannot meet outside, we can certainly meet within.

Strengthening Family bonds

The news is currently full of stories of conflicts between spouses, and tension between children and parents, and between the elderly and their family members. How can we face the cabin fever we experience in close quarters together? Here is a sweet story that may shine some light on this important aspect of the family.

Once upon a time, there was a family of porcupines, and in case you didn’t know, a group of porcupines is called a prickle! One day, one of the youngest porcupines was completely fed up. He was so tired of being poked by the quills of his larger family members that he decided to try his luck alone. As soon as he left the group, however, he found himself shivering with cold! No longer was he protected from the elements by his parents, aunts, uncles, and older cousins. He soon understood that he would not survive outside his prickle, and he rushed back inside, not caring anymore about the uncomfortable quills.

Do the jabs of the quills in our families have to feel so bad? Perhaps we are being given an opportunity to spend time with each other, learn to accept each other’s imperfections and taunts, and develop greater emotional connections than we have normally would because of the stress of our busy lives.

These days, our human community is global, and even viruses don’t respect national boundaries, and yet many of us are lonelier than ever. The beauty and silence of being alone have been replaced with the anxiety and sadness of loneliness. Maybe we can grow emotionally stronger while staying at home — building stronger bonds of friendship, nurturing the love for our partners, and developing an appreciation for our children as they embrace this new world that is facing them. At times like this, we have an opportunity to strengthen family ties, which we often take for granted.

Back to Togetherness

In earlier times, children started learning at home long before they went to school. Grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, and family friends all shared their knowledge with the young ones growing up. It was common to tell them stories, read books with them, and teach them skills. We can do the same today — read a chapter of a book aloud together, understand the contents, and have a discussion. One book a week becomes 50 books a year and 500 books in ten years. We have time now to work on our lifestyle choices. Why not try to live without constant screen time by having more family time? Internet-based technologies are very important for us to stay connected right now, but we can also benefit by taking breaks from screen time and the associated radiation.

Reach out to others in simple ways. Whether it is enjoying a song together, or a meditation, watching a movie, sitting down to meals, or telling each other jokes, the liveliness, joy, and humor we will feel will dissolve the pain.

While we are all affected by the suffering around us, do we need to sink into a black hole? And will it help us and others if we do? There is another way: When we stay connected in our hearts, in a prayerful mood, our prayers will join with the echoes of the prayers of others and create a vibration of love all around us. When we maintain the inner purity of our consciousness, it will also help to dissolve the negative thought pollution that surrounds us.

I am not trying to deny or downplay the severity of the current pandemic. It would be foolish to live in denial — we need to accept reality and act accordingly. In fact, the more we accept, the sooner we will adapt to the need of the moment. I am only offering a way forward.

Making it an Opportunity

There are so many simple habits we can adopt that will help sustain us for longer periods, such as conserving groceries, fasting, and being careful about finances. It also helps not to resort to panic buying. We can help our elders and those who are less fortunate. We can be kind to others, and volunteer in our communities while being careful to prevent the spread of the virus.

There are also many household tasks that we normally never find time for, like cleaning out cupboards. We can write, draw, paint, dance, sing, cook new dishes, sew clothes for loved ones, etc. We can create healthy lifestyle habits, like cooking meals at home, doing breathing exercises to build immunity, meditation, and yoga asanas. Spend time with your loved ones, and learn some new skills. Maybe you will find a new sense of satisfaction and inner fulfillment as a result.

Even in these days of lock-down, a regular daily routine will be so beneficial. Try it. Use this time to experiment with lifestyle choices.

And if you would like to experience inner stillness, peace, and joy every day, become an expert in the Heartfulness practices. Take refuge from the craziness of our current crisis within your heart. Your heart is the doorway to a vast inner universe — a place of wonder and wisdom, of feeling and connection. Heartfulness practices offers a protection in your energetic structure, and this is important for balance, even if it is not a remedy for everything. Let this unusual time be an opportunity: Practice for yourself, practice for your loved ones, and practice for all humanity.